why didn't you poke me back
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..