...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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