you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
