You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
