how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
