We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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