I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
