it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
