I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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