If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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