I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
