ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
