we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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