wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
