Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
