She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
