Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
they need to just BURY HIM!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
