Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
