Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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