Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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