No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize