fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize