is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
