I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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