a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
