I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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