Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
