No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
