I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
