Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
