Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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