There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
