What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
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If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
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