I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Farmville is her only friend.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You're like the curious george of whores
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
