dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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