2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
