I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My ass is underappreciated
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
