It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
