Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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