How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
