drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
