he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
