oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize