Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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