put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
