Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
