I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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