if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
