my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
