When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
