Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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