My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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