You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
