You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
