It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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