I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I intend to get homeless drunk
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
