I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
