My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
