Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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